I've been thinking a lot about joy lately.
As a former straight-A student turned type-A overachiever, and as an ambitious and serious professional, that’s hard for me to admit.
Because, at least in my mind, we have a tendency to think of joy as frivolous, and somehow uncouth or undignified… or very unicorns and flowers and rainbows type of “woo woo.”
And yet it is also very liberating for me to own it, and to realize that everything that I’ve been teaching and exploring and experiencing through Photosanity comes back to joy.
We talked last week about how it’s totally fine if you just want to use your iPhone to take photos. However, your DSLR still offers some significant advantages when it comes to really being in the moment and capturing it in a way that best reflects how you experienced it.
If you missed it, don’t forget to grab our “get out of auto” cheatsheet to get started. You’ll need this in order to use “shallow depth of field,” where the subject is in focus, and the background is blurry. THIS is what will make it worth carrying your DSLR around with you.
Along with the best camera bag for moms that I talked about last week, there’s one other piece to the puzzle that makes camera-toting life so much easier as a mom, and that is the camera strap.
I talk with a lot of women with kids, and while everyone has their own unique situation and approach, there are some questions and themes that come up over and over again, some of them bigger and more philosophical, while others are more practical such as:
How on earth do you lug your big camera around with you?!!!
It’s a challenge, I know, and what’s happened is that as smartphone cameras have become better and better, and as we rely on our phones more and more, the upside of that fancy DSLR you likely bought when you first became a parent becomes less and less.
I was chatting with a friend the other day about my blog and what to write about next, now that I wrapped up my series on “you don’t need to do more, ” and she said, “Alethea, you have to tell them about the skirts with pockets!”
I thought this was hilarious, and I couldn’t believe she remembered this, as it’s been at least six months since this first came up.
We are all doing the best that we can, but it is so easy to feel like we are not doing enough or doing it well enough, no matter how hard we try.
And yet we try.
We try to do it all, because we are ambitious and driven, because we care deeply about what we do, because we want what's best for our kids, and we want to make the world a better place while we're at it.
But we also try because it's what we've been conditioned to do.
These past few weeks, I've been talking about how tired I am of women beating themselves up for not doing enough when in fact we are already doing so much, it's just hard to see it.
The answer isn't to try to do more, it truly isn't.
Instead, I've been talking about speaking up for yourself, and about feeling and expressing your feelings without defending them (and listening to others in the same way too).
Today I want to talk about another component to this that I believe is critically important as we rise up as women to stand up for what we believe, increase our impact, and make the world a better place for ALL.
What a week it has been. I know that it feels really overwhelming right now. On top of all of our usual responsibilities, being an informed and active citizen is starting to feel like a full-time job in and of itself. Fear, horror, outrage, and anxiety are everywhere, and it can be a struggle to get basic tasks completed.
Take a deep breath. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It is really important right now to put self-care practices into full force so that we have the energy and stamina to keep moving forward and taking action, whether politically, personally or both.
If you've been reading or listening to my blog posts lately, you'll know that I've been thinking a lot about how we as women in particular feel like we are never doing enough, or doing it well enough.
We beat ourselves up, and we try to do more until we run ourselves ragged with no end in sight. We are holding ourselves up to impossible standards of perfection. And we are not doing ourselves, our families, our jobs or our communities any favors.
I'm tired of seeing women beating themselves up because they're not doing enough - for their kids, their families, their jobs.
I'm tired of seeing the work that women do remaining invisible and undervalued - even by ourselves.
I'm tired of seeing women's needs and voices being overlooked, silenced, undermined or downright attacked.
Enough is enough.
Yesterday morning as I walked to my office, I had a “life is beautiful” moment of well-being. It wasn’t that the street I walk along is particularly picturesque - it isn’t, plus it was below freezing and dreary, and I was trudging along in snow boots in the left over muddy dredges of snow.
But it felt beautiful to me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience lately.
I remember the first time I played chess with Liam. He had been learning via a Kindle app, but when we played, he was adamant that I was not allowed to capture any of his pieces… but he was still allowed to capture mine.
It’s pretty hard to play chess that way, let me tell you!
I also remember the first time he played a video game and he was about to “die.” He totally freaked out. I told him it was ok, that he would lose and then he could start over and try again. And sure enough, he did.
I've been talking about how what you do matters, and how understanding this is an important step in addressing one of the biggest parenting challenges we face - that of time and balance.
And I know! "Time and balance"... blah blah blah it's such a cliche and an unsolvable problem.
We accept that not having enough time to do everything we want is a given condition of being a parent and that there is nothing we can do about it.
One of my favorite questions to ask recently has been “what is your biggest challenge as a parent?” It’s the question I’m most passionate about asking and hearing the answer to, and it’s the question I most like helping to solve, using photography as a surprisingly powerful tool to do so.
I've been having the most amazing conversations lately, and I am feeling very very grateful for the people I know and the work that I get to do, not just now but throughout my life, both personally and professionally. Some of you are reading this, some of you are not, but I am really sinking into that feeling of gratitude right now. I am honored and privileged to have been in incredible company throughout all phases of my life, and I try not to take this for granted. This feels especially important, meaningful and helpful now as, like many, I continue to struggle to process the US election and the still developing outcomes.
In light of the devastating US election results last week, I want to reach out and ask - how are you holding up?
I am slowly piecing myself back together, but I have had a very hard time in the wake of an outcome that I had very much feared but had allowed myself in the last few days leading to the election to hope would not come to pass. I know many of you have been struggling too.
I have been starting to feel that "I love my life" spark a lot more lately. This is interspersed with feelings of fear and anxiety as I dive deeper into growing my business, but I've been working on making myself feel cozy and safe.
My photos of my kids help me with that. They become almost like a place where I can go where there is an abundance of love and joy - through my photos I see the best in them, and as a result, the best in myself and the best in life.
This is not a "good" photo.
The lighting is bad, and there is all kinds of background clutter. As a professional photographer, I would never share this photo.
But as a mom, and as a photography coach for parents, I am sharing it with you because yesterday it made me feel better as a parent.
A few days ago, I asked you what you most wanted as a parent, and what your biggest frustration with photographing your kids is (if you didn’t fill out my quick poll, you can still do so here.
I then explained how the two are linked - how I have found that your camera can be a surprisingly powerful catalyst for creating more of what you want in your life as a parent.
And yesterday I told you that I know that you've got this - and showed how Photosanity parent Andrea Rizvi has been using photography to be more present, connect with her kids, and focus on the day-to-day joy in her life as she captures the moment.
But I know that you still want to know how.
A couple of days ago, I asked you what you most wanted as a parent, and what your biggest frustration with photographing your kids is (if you didn’t fill out my quick poll, you can still do so here.
Yesterday, I explained how the two are linked - how I have found that your camera can be a surprisingly powerful catalyst for creating more of what you want in your life as a parent.
I talked about the role that photography likely plays in your life right now (that creates the opposite effect to what you desire) and how photography helps me be more present, connect with my kids, and know that my kids are self-confident and happy, amongst many other things.
But I know that you may not feel like you can do the same, given that you are not a photographer and you don’t feel that you have that same “creative eye."
So I know that when I say that you can create the life you want as a parent through photographing your kids, your reaction might be one of confusion.
What does one have to do with the other?